it's still good to be the youngest

so sometimes i get down on myself cause i am the youngest in my family. gone are the golden days where i was cherished. however weird christmas is the advantages still shine through. i may not be married. i may not have children. i may still be semi-jobless.


but,

i still have my stocking. sorry to my older siblings with significant lives.

my favorite christmas picture ever

i wish i were a quarter korean baby at christmas time.

blingalinglingaling

time for christmas at my dad's parent's. better look skinny for ana grandma.

also, day of truth blonding day.

things at 2:45 am

finally taking a break from oregon trail
about to go to sleep
gotta buy christmas completely tomorrow
whygodwhy
all alone
bored
boring
bling
fala


sad story:
after trying for two days to find someone who would go to opry mills with me, my mom called me and asked if i wanted to go. i had to do hair. bllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah about not getting to opry mills. not blah about hair. things never line up.

what i'm doing right now

i'm watching bodyshots ondemand.

Gone From My Sight

by Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone"

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"

And that is dying...

today at church

we talked about time. soooooooooooo...............................

still doin it

still listening to "touch it while pissed up". can't help it.

i watched the hills this morning. why is audrina so amazing? she speaks for mistreated girls everywhere. good for her for being strong enough to say straight his face that the best thing for her is if he wasn't in her life. she's no dumb baby. she's my inspiration i could never bring myself to live up to.

still doin it in so many ways. not letting him visibly get to me. i still kind of have control but not really. all i can do is pray for something else.

i'm still

listening to "touch it while pissed up", and you better be doing the same.
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
screw bad boys.
bad girls will always prevail.
truest statement of alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll time.
aallllllllllllllllllllllllllllll timemmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad
girl


i'm allowed to be however i want to be. i have freedom of choice. sooooo don't call me on christmas and leave me a message saying that i am the nicest sweetest girl you have ever met. i'm not spineless. i refuse to let you have the upper hand. you are not man enough. you're the worst. you're the kind who knows the most fulfilling way to live and denies living it. maybe we're two peas in a pod.

download 100dBs.com's mash-ups of aphex twin, duh.
don't touch insulation in your attic.
wash your hair once a week.
fall out of love with a boy. if you can.
dance like a fag.
play lots of pool.
don't lose.
bake and eat a chess pie.
most importantly: listen to "Touch It While Pissed Up" from 100dBs.com's aphex twin mash-ups on repeat. don't cease to listen. keep listening. i promise. if you stop...god forbide...don't stop.

tender

i'm feeling tender and sad and womp womp.

too many blogszzz

there are tooo many i have toooo many.....................